If you’ve ever wondered exactly why they invented the internet, look no further than the National Day Calendar. This indispensible tool tells you everything you’ve ever wanted to know about what day it is today – and believe us when we say that every day is way more of a day than you had ever suspected.
For instance, did you know that this past Saturday was National Barbershop Quartet Day, National Submarine Day, National Teach Children to Save Day, National Eight-Track Tape Day, and National Cheese Fondue Day? Good thing they don’t all have picnics at the same time; we predict a mad scrum between the barbershoppers and the eight-trackers that no amount of cheese fondue will be able to salvage.
(Alternately, if National Teach Children To Save Day taught kids how to save cheese fondue we could consolidate a couple of days right there.)
Moving on to this week, today is National Peach Cobbler Day, followed by National Pecan Day on Tuesday, National Glazed Spiral Ham Day on Wednesday, National Eggs Benedict Day on Thursday (which makes sense, since you can’t have Eggs Benedict unless you first have ham), National Cheeseball Day on Friday, National Animal Crackers Day on Saturday, and National Garlic Day on Sunday. And all this commotion takes place during National Fresh Celery Month.
Some of these days are just ridiculous. We’ll pass on National Animal Crackers Day; nothing to see there. Same for National Fresh Celery Month. When we hear of someone doing artisanal ants on a log we’ll let you know.
However, there’s hope for the others. Here’s how we would spend the big days of this forthcoming week.
National Peach Cobbler Day: Let’s be sensible. If you want peach cobbler you need to head south, to the Peach State. You want to find some place that’s been doing it forever, where the little old southern ladies lay down feathery biscuits over sweet, fresh peaches. Hmmm: Georgia, peaches, biscuits, little old Southern ladies … that would be Mary Mac’s Tea Room in Atlanta. Officially recognized by the state as “Atlanta’s Dining Room,” Mary Mac’s dates to 1945, predating the Atlanta Braves, the Atlanta Olympics, and the awesomeness that is the Mother Truckers’ “Streets of Atlanta,” the best Rolling Stones song that the Rolling Stones never sung. In addition to the National Peach Cobbler, Mary Mac’s features Jo Carter, who goes from table to table giving back rubs, and T-shirts that read, “I got my belly filled and my back rubbed all at Mary Mac’s Tea Room.” So is this your idea of heaven or what?
National Pecan Day: This is like picking a Final Four. The temptation with pecans is to automatically choose the winner of the South Regional, especially after a weekend spent watching the billion shades of green at the Masters, but we stand by our previous choice. San Francisco’s Three Babes Bakeshop makes a pecan pie that is a mountaintop experience of sweet nuttiness or nutty sweetness, one or the other. One bite of this pie, baked by two-not-three, yes, babes and sold out of the Ferry Plaza Farmer’s Market, and you’re carried off to Savoryville on rivers of rich chocolate, graham crackers (gluten-free!), Karo syrup, and those amazing roasted pecans. And if you’re not desiring to end the sugar-fix phase of your life just yet, the Babes have been known to turn out amazing bourbon-pecan, and bittersweet-chocolate-pecan pies. Not in the Bay Area? They’ll ship their chocolate-pecan and bourbon-pecan pies.
National Glazed Spiral Ham Day: What went on Easter goes here: Ham doesn’t get any better than the bone-in smoked ham from Nueske’s Meats in Birnamwood, Wis. You may keep all your Virginia hams and their many variants; we’ll paraphrase the tagline that saved Cary Grant’s advertising career in the classic flick Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House: If you ain’t eatin’ Nueske’s, you ain’t eatin’ ham!
National Eggs Benedict Day: If you forcibly restrict us to Eggs Benedict we will choose either the Waldorf-Astoria, where the dish reportedly sprang to life in 1894, or Seattle’s Lola, where the hollandaise is spiked with dill and the English muffin is made on the premises, but if you give us some latitude we’re going for the Eggs Stanley at New Orleans’ Stanley, with the Canadian bacon swapped out for some boudin. Sorry, Nueske’s: Man does not live by smoked pork shoulder alone.
National Cheeseball Day: As you know, there are cheese balls (with a “Z” often substituted for either “S”) the corn-based semi-crunchy snack, and then there are cheeseballs, the salad-bar staple. We’re going to focus on the latter, because while it’s hard to find a good cheeseball, it’s impossible to find a good cheez ball. Our cheeseball choice is the Half Moon Inn in Clear Lake, Iowa. Not only is the atmosphere straight out of the Golden Age of the Cheeseball, the late 1940s and early ‘50s, but the cheeseballs are creamy and nutty and as good as cheeseballs get, and the rest of the menu is super-tasty Midwest supper-club fare. Not necessarily good for you, but you can’t have everything.
National Garlic Day: Okay, this is too easy. We’re going with the Garlic Bomb from Jake’s Sandwich Board in Philadelphia. Just think about it: A sub smeared with garlic spread, buried in provolone and topped with fried garlic cloves. It’s not always on the menu, so call ahead to order. But we can’t think of a better way to celebrate National Garlic Day. As long as it comes with a package of Tic-Tacs.